Welcome to the new KB Collaboratory!

Welcome to the new KB Collaboratory!

Welcome to the new KB Collaboratory – a fresh new edition of Klein Buendel’s blog. The KB Collaboratory complements our newly-designed website and disseminates timely information about our behavioral health research and collaborations.

Because we’re a “small bunch,” KB’s behavioral scientists, research staff, and developers collaborate with researchers, clinicians, and creatives from companies, universities, research institutes, and cancer centers around the world to design programs and products to prevent chronic disease. Along with our research publications, conference presentations, website, and social media, this blog is a dynamic outlet for sharing the health communication, education, and technology research that we do in collaboration with our distinguished research, business, and creative partners.

Watch for articles and features in the KB Collaboratory on our:

  • Research collaborators
  • Abstracts and conference presentations
  • Publications
  • New research projects
  • Technology and products
  • Outreach and education
  • News and announcements

If you’d like to get in touch, please email Mary Buller at [email protected].

Expressing Empathy: Part 4

Expressing Empathy: Part 4

Choose Words with Care

It’s common for us not to know what to say when we hear that someone has cancer or another serious illness. Responses vary depending on the magnitude or seriousness of the news. How you respond may also depend on how close you are with the person giving the information. Timing is a factor, too. Being caught by surprise can sometimes leave us tongue-tied or not knowing what to say.

Here are some sensitive and compassionate statements to help you respond with care to someone’s cancer diagnosis or news.

  • I’m thinking of you.
  • You seem worried.
  • Is there anything I can do for you?
  • You’re not alone on this journey.
  • I see why you are concerned about this.
  • I care about you and your family.
  • Do you need a hug?
  • Tell me more about what is worrying you.
  • You’re in my thoughts every day.
  • I’ll pray for your recovery.
  • I’ll be here for you.
  • It sounds like you’re feeling _______________.
  • I’m not sure I’ve ever been in your position, but I can imagine it’s very difficult.
  • Thank you for sharing your update with me. It must be difficult news to report.
  • You have a friend in me during this experience and after.
  • This news is concerning to me. I’ll help however I can.

And remember…sometimes we don’t have to say anything at all, but rather just be there for them.

This research project was funded by a grant from the National Cancer Institute (CA144235; Dr. Wayne Beach, San Diego State University, Principal Investigator). Co-investigators included Dr. David Dozier from San Diego State University, and Mary Buller, Dr. Valerie Myers, and Dr. David Buller from Klein Buendel, Inc.

Expressing Empathy: Part 3

Expressing Empathy: Part 3

Tips for Showing Empathy: Strategies for Becoming More Empathic

Nonverbal Communication

  • Listen to what is not being said. Pay attention to the nonverbal cues being sent by you and the other person.
  • Face the person. Keep your body posture relaxed and open. Lean toward the person.
  • Maintain eye contact. Mimic their facial expressions –be careful that your expression is not blank or frowning.
  • Physical contact, such as a hug or touching the person’s arm, may be helpful.
  • Recognize what you are feeling, especially negative feelings.

Verbal Communication

What to Say:

  • If possible, talk in a place that is comfortable and will have minimal interruptions.
  • Allow the person to talk uninterrupted.
  • Ask open-ended questions. This lets the person know that you’re willing to listen. Example – How are you doing with this? Would it help to talk about this? Is there something troubling you? What are you feeling?
  • Use a pleasant tone of voice.
  • Statements you might say:
    • “You seem worried.”
    • “I see why you are concerned about this.”
    • “Tell me more about what is worrying you.”
    • “I will be here for you.”
    • “It sounds like you are feeling…(fill in the blank).”

What Not to Say:

  • Do not try to fix the problem, interpret or analyze what is happening, or argue.
  • Do not preach, lecture, judge, blame or criticize. Avoid saying “should” or “ought to.”
  • Do not minimize their fears by saying, “It will be fine” or “you’ll be OK” or “at least it isn’t…”

Communicating About Cancer Series Info

This research project was funded by a grant from the National Cancer Institute (CA144235; Dr. Wayne Beach, San Diego State University, Principal Investigator). Co-investigators included Dr. David Dozier from San Diego State University, and Mary Buller, Dr. Valerie Myers, and Dr. David Buller from Klein Buendel, Inc.

Expressing Empathy: Part 2

Expressing Empathy: Part 2

Empathy in Patient/Doctor Relationships

*Names have been changed to protect privacy.*

Carl Patterson was with his elderly stepfather when he died from acute lymphatic leukemia. Tom had been a laid-back, easy going man who made friends easily and preferred to have a glass of wine than worry about small details. Carl, on the other hand, was detail-oriented and had been looking after his stepfather’s affairs for years.

Tom wanted to donate his body to a local university for medical research. In most cases, if a body is not received promptly after death, research organizations will refuse the donation. Carl knew this. So he grew impatient when hours passed after his stepfather died and the doctor, who needed to process the paperwork to release Tom’s body, didn’t appear. Carl repeatedly questioned the nurses. The nurses repeatedly paged the doctor. When she arrived, the doctor told Carl, “I have more important things to do with the living than with the dead.” Carl was stunned. “He had just died,” he said. “Her bedside manner didn’t exist.”

Numerous studies have found that empathy is often missing in doctor-patient communication. Expressing empathy can be even more difficult in situations involving conflict, anger, sadness or fear. These feelings are common on a cancer journey.  When medical professionals show empathy, patients feel more satisfied with the relationship. They also have more trust in their doctor, are less anxious about their condition, and are more likely to follow the doctor’s recommendations. Doctors feel better about their work too. Empathy is a learnable skill being taught more frequently in medical schools to help improve patient-doctor communication. …

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Expressing Empathy: Part 1

Expressing Empathy: Part 1

“Empathy is really the opposite of spiritual meanness. It’s the capacity to understand that every war is both won and lost. And that someone else’s pain is as meaningful as your own.” – Barbara Kingsolver, author.

Katrine Bellamy thinks this story is funny. It’s the story of how people sometimes react when they hear about cancer. Katrine and her neighbor took turns walking the kids to and from school. But, on the day she learned her 9-year-old son had a brain tumor, she asked her neighbor to pick up the children. When Katrine arrived home, she saw her neighbor standing in the driveway, waiting for her. “She literally collapsed in my arms,” said Katrine. The distraught women cried as Katrine reassured her that everything would be alright. Katrine needed a friend who would listen. She ended up helping her friends cope with the news instead.

This is an article about empathy. It is easy to misunderstand the difference between sympathy and empathy. When you have sympathy you have compassion for another person and acknowledge their hardship. Empathy is when you understand and feel another person’s feelings for yourself; it is a mutual experience of feeling. With empathy you “put yourself in their shoes.” …

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Conflict Management: Part 2

Conflict Management: Part 2

Strategies for Resolving Conflict

Coping with cancer, either as a patient, family member, friend, or medical provider can be very difficult. Stress levels are higher. Everyone involved can have less patience and be more sensitive to problems and issues. Common situations that might normally blow over can explode into a major argument instead. If you experience a conflict with another person, experts suggest using the following strategies:

  1. Identify the cause of the conflict. Get to the root of the problem, and then deal with the cause. Sometimes small conflicts are really about larger issues.
  2. Listen attentively and speak in a way that you can be clearly understood. Consider how you express yourself and disagree with others. Does the tone of your voice become accusing, snide, rude? Do you cross your arms, roll your eyes? Do you get defensive? What kind of pronouns do you use? Experts recommend using “I” instead of “you” during a conflict. For example, you might say, “When this happens, I feel unloved” instead of “When you do this, you cause problems.”
  3. Try to understand the other person’s position or perspective. Be open-minded so that everyone involved can talk openly about their different views. Consider the issue from the other person’s point of view.
  4. Take responsibility. Do you always blame others for problems? Conflict is two-sided. What common ground can you find?
  5. Set goals on which everyone can agree. Try not to dwell too much on what’s passed. Instead, focus on how to best move forward and what can be accomplished in the future.

Experts also recommend developing a plan for handling conflict in situations where disagreements might surface. For example, family gatherings during the holidays can be stressful. Think about how you might handle issues that come up. Or perhaps your hair has started falling out. People are bound to stare, ask questions, or make insensitive comments. How will you respond? Or, on the flip side, you know someone with cancer who is losing their hair. What should you say?

Settling conflicts requires communication that is respectful and empathetic. It helps if there is trust in the relationship. Also, a certain amount of self-disclosure might be necessary.

Communicating About Cancer Series

This research project was funded by a grant from the National Cancer Institute (CA144235; Dr. Wayne Beach, San Diego State University, Principal Investigator). Co-investigators included Dr. David Dozier from San Diego State University, and Mary Buller, Dr. Valerie Myers, and Dr. David Buller from Klein Buendel, Inc.

Conflict Management: Part 1

Conflict Management: Part 1

Managing Conflict

*Names have been changed to protect privacy.*

Just three days after his ninth birthday, Steven Bellamy’s mother, Katrine Bellamy, learned what she’d already strongly suspected. Earlier she’d called her son’s physician insisting she be told the results of Steven’s MRI. Not tomorrow. Not in three hours. Now. Instead, the doctor told her to immediately take Steven to the hospital. In tremendous pain, he was admitted to a room where he quickly fell asleep. Katrine spotted an envelope containing MRI images. She couldn’t help herself. She had to open it. Her husband, Dan, who thought she’d spent the past three weeks being overly paranoid about their son’s vomiting spells and headaches, told her to wait for the doctor. I can’t, she told him. I need to know now. Dan left the room, and Katrine pulled out the slides. The baseball-sized mass on Steven’s brain was impossible to miss. Katrine didn’t need a neurosurgeon to explain that she was looking at a brain tumor.

For the Bellamy’s, a long and difficult cancer journey had begun. Their story, like that of many others, includes episodes of conflict between themselves, other family members, friends and medical staff. This article is about conflict and how to manage it. If cancer is “The Big C,” conflict is the “Not-so-little C” that is almost always part of a cancer journey.

What is Conflict?

To put it simply, conflict is a disagreement. For anyone dealing with cancer, conflict can occur over something mundane like deciding what’s for dinner to more difficult decisions involving care. For example, Katrine and Dan had very different ideas about letting their nine-year-old son have a say in treatment decisions. All options sounded terrifying – some could mentally impair their son, others could kill him. When Katrine was pregnant, Dan said he didn’t think he could handle having a child with Down Syndrome. Now he had a child with cancer and was terrified. Dan wanted to present Steven with his options. Katrine said that it would be too much of a burden on their child. After much discussion, Katrine and Dan concluded that “This is our cross to bear. “ Steven would not participate in the decision-making process. As parents, the burden was theirs. They would make the decision and “live with the consequences.”

An equally agonizing conflict occurred with the care of George Janosik, who had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Janosik’s siblings and in-laws shared caregiving responsibilities which included giving him morphine to ease his excruciating pain. Janosik pleaded for a lethal dose. The caregivers were torn. Some felt it was cruel to let him suffer. For others, self-assisted suicide violated their religious beliefs. It was also against the law. No decision was ever made. Soon after, Janosik died.

These examples highlight how conflicts can emerge due to differences of opinion, beliefs, and communication style. In addition, personal values, stress, distrust, misunderstandings, personality clashes, and power struggles are common sources of disagreements. …

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Managing Emotions: Part 3

Managing Emotions: Part 3

Emotional Disclosure

Sadness, joy, anger, surprise. Emotions are a natural part of human nature. Humans are wired with chemicals and connections which allow us to feel and react to life’s events.

Positive and negative emotions are an inevitable part of a cancer experience. Sometimes, it can be beneficial to share our emotions because it alleviates some of the stress of attempting to hide true feelings.

Even though it can be helpful, it can also be challenging for some people to disclose their emotions or feelings.

Practice Emotional Disclosure

  1. Reflect on 3 experiences in the past few weeks that have felt overwhelming or had a lasting effect on your overall mood.
  2. Choose a person with which to disclose these three experiences. Often it will likely be a spouse or person significantly involved in your current struggle.
  3. Tell your partner something similar to the following statement:
    • “I have something I have to get off my chest. For these things, please try to put yourself in my position. I hope this helps you gain an understanding of what my experience has been like. For this, I would like for you to just listen without problem-solving, reassuring me, or giving advice. This is just for me to get some emotions out which have been difficult for me to keep in.
  4. With as much detail as possible, describe your 3 experiences from the last few weeks with pauses to give your partner chances to respond or ask questions. Be sure to include both the story and the emotions involved in your experiences.
  5. If you are able, offer chances for your partner to share similar experiences.

This research project was funded by a grant from the National Cancer Institute (CA144235; Dr. Wayne Beach, San Diego State University, Principal Investigator). Co-investigators included Dr. David Dozier from San Diego State University, and Mary Buller, Dr. Valerie Myers, and Dr. David Buller from Klein Buendel, Inc.

Managing Emotions: Part 2

Managing Emotions: Part 2

Strategies for Positively Coping with Cancer

*Names have been changed to protect privacy.*

See a situation in a positive light. For this coping strategy, instead of focusing on the negative aspects of a situation, reframe it and consider positive outcomes. This is a common technique used by people who have a serious illness or have suffered a loss. Often individuals unconsciously do this by comparing their situation to others who seem to have it worse.

Kathrine Bellamy joined support groups and became very active in the pediatric brain cancer community when her son was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Part of the reason was to stay informed and connect with people who could understand how she was feeling. Another part was to track her son’s progress against those of other children. He responded well to surgery and treatment. Other children did not. Eventually, her participation in the cancer community took an emotional toll. Even though her son had two years of tests showing he was cancer-free, her personal involvement in other children’s lives amplified her fears about her son. She worried the cancer would return and that he might die. Her husband pointed out that her involvement in the groups, which had helped her at first deal emotionally with her son’s cancer, was now making her feel worse.

While comparisons may help a person cope with their cancer or their caregiving role, having another person make that same comparison is likely to backfire and be perceived as insensitive. Denver resident Diane Martin shared a story about a breakfast she had with friends. The conversation turned to recent losses the group had suffered. One woman was getting a divorce. Another woman’s teenage son had died in a car crash. Martin’s husband, Nate, had also recently died from multiple myeloma. One of the women told Martin that at least she could get a new husband but a child couldn’t be replaced. Deeply hurt, Martin abruptly left the lunch. …

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Managing Emotions: Part 1

Managing Emotions: Part 1

Riding Cancer’s Emotional Roller Coaster

*Names have been changed to protect privacy.*

Anyone who begins a cancer journey is likely to step onto a rollercoaster of strong emotions that can vary dramatically from point to point along the way.  Patients, family members, and friends will experience many different feelings ranging from frustration and powerlessness to joy and affection after a cancer diagnosis.

Emotion can be thought of as the “bedrock” of the communication skills. How a person feels and how they control those feelings will affect how they deal with conflict, what they disclose and their level of respect, trust, and empathy for others. This article looks at the role of emotions and provides tips on how to manage feelings to better cope with cancer.

Emotions on a Cancer Journey

San Diego resident Tim Hayes had a lot on his plate when he received his testicular cancer diagnosis.  A 37-year-old college professor with a full work schedule, he had custody of his two young children, and a summer teaching session planned in Africa over the summer.

However, near the end of spring semester, strong abdominal pains made him visit his doctor, who gave him several medical tests.  Before the results came back, Tim traveled to Canada for a professional conference. But he felt miserable. He couldn’t eat. He was exhausted. He spent much of the conference sleeping in his hotel room, which is where his doctor tracked him down.

“My doctor told me one long Latin word, then another,” he said. Decoded, the Latin words meant cancer.

Tim asked if the diagnosis would interfere with his summer teaching plans. It would. He was told he needed immediate surgery, followed by chemotherapy and radiation treatment.

This kind of news would completely devastate some people. Others might be paralyzed by fear. Tim, however, immediately began planning for the future – a future he believed would be cancer free. He tied up loose ends, spent more time with his kids, and was determined to be healthy enough to teach again in the fall.

“It was symbolic of beating the cancer – that’s how I spent my summer vacation, but I’d be back to work in the fall,” Tim said.

Tim took a very practical approach to dealing with his cancer and maintained a positive attitude.  Not everyone would react this way. Emotions play a significant role in how individuals interpret a situation and resolve it. Emotions also influence a person’s attitude and behavior. …

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