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Category: Communicating About Cancer

Trust – Part 2 of 3

Trust – Part 2 of 3

Strategies to Build and Repair Trust

Trust is essential for intimate relationships, but it doesn’t function alone. It is reciprocal. For trust to grow and thrive, all parties have to work at it. Conflicts often occur over trust-related issues or a belief that someone acted in a way that betrayed a person’s trust.

On a cancer journey, a patient might wonder if a particular person will be around when they are sick and need help. Can the person be relied upon to pick up their prescription from the pharmacy? Can he or she be trusted to be sensitive to the patient’s feelings?  Will he or she consider and respect the patient’s needs and desires when discussing treatment options?

From a caregiver’s perspective, a caregiver may ask if the cancer patient will trust him or her to look out for their needs. Will the patient be honest and straightforward about how they are feeling? Will the patient be supportive or empathetic when the caregiver feels overwhelmed or needs a break?

Trust is usually built over time and through small actions that add up to a collective whole.  Being dependable, honest, empathic, and having integrity are essential ingredients for trust to exist in a relationship. Self-sacrifice is also seen as a demonstration of commitment and trustworthiness.

If you want to establish a more trusting relationship with someone consider the following strategies: …

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Trust – Part 1 of 3

Trust – Part 1 of 3

Strive to be Straightforward, Steadfast and Sincere

*Names have been changed to protect privacy.*

Seven months pregnant and eagerly anticipating the arrival of her first baby, Caitlyn Green’s world dramatically changed. A lump! Breast cancer. She’d always had nearly perfect health, but now she worried.

Caitlyn had read all the bestselling books expectant mothers read. The books told her to avoid caffeine, limit fish intake, and exercise wisely. But they didn’t address this. This situation was not the norm.

Caitlyn’s doctor became her information lifeline. He explained that it’s safe to have some types of chemotherapy while pregnant. She was still anxious for the baby until Alissa arrived with a full head of hair crying loudly. The hair meant that the chemotherapy hadn’t crossed the placenta to the baby. Caitlyn had no hair.

Right after Alissa was born Caitlyn had a double mastectomy. She was told not to lift anything heavier than 10 pounds, including her baby. So, other people would hold and carry Alissa for her. It was a tough thing for Caitlyn to watch. She desperately wanted to be a hands-on mom, but this cancer journey required that she put her trust in other people.

Trust is a significant part of Caitlyn’s relationships with her husband, family, friends, coworkers, and medical team. In trusting relationships, we expect others to act in a way that is caring and respectful of our interests and needs. …

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Learn to Share Respect: Part 2

Learn to Share Respect: Part 2

Putting Respect into Practice

  • Allow others to speak. Don’t interrupt. Listen.
  • Suspend judgment and avoid making assumptions.
  • Don’t act superior or condescending, which is often conveyed through tone of voice. In other words, don’t talk down to someone or speak to others as if they were children.
  • Make eye contact. Be aware of other body languages that might be considered disrespectful such as tapping your foot, rolling your eyes, or texting on your phone when someone is talking.
  • Be honest and transparent.
  • Choose your words thoughtfully and if possible, know what words the other person might find offensive. Some patients like to be called “brave” or a “fighter.” Others do not.
  • Speak calmly and politely. The tone of your voice may be offensive, even if the content of the conversation is not.
  • Be caring and considerate when offering critical feedback.
  • Avoid qualifiers or sweeping generalities like “always” or “never.” Be specific and accurate. Instead of: “You never think about me.” Say: “It hurt my feelings that you haven’t called in the last week to see how I’m doing.”
  • Avoid evaluative comments that are judging. Instead of: “You’re a horrible shopper.” Say: “You forgot my prescription. Could you please pick it up this afternoon?”
  • Take responsibility for your actions and admit mistakes.
  • Be flexible rather than rigid.
  • Recognize when someone is helpful and express your appreciation.
  • Be confident in yourself.
  • Consider respect from all perspectives.

Communicating About Cancer Series Info

This research project was funded by a grant from the National Cancer Institute (CA144235; Dr. Wayne Beach, San Diego State University, Principal Investigator). Co-investigators included Dr. David Dozier from San Diego State University, and Mary Buller, Dr. Valerie Myers, and Dr. David Buller from Klein Buendel, Inc.

Learn to Share Respect: Part 1

Learn to Share Respect: Part 1

Value, Validate and Venerate Others

*Names have been changed to protect privacy.*

Being respected is important to Arturo Hernandez. So, when he was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2010, he went through the experience in a way he felt would earn respect from his family, friends, and coworkers. Despite the toll cancer treatment took on his body, he refused to stop working.

“I kept on doing things even if it took me longer and longer and longer to complete.” He kept goals and tried to lead his life the way he always had. He explains, “I was not looking for sympathy from other people but to gain respect for the way I was handling the thing. More than anything, it was like a process I had to complete.”

The definition of respect can vary from person to person. We know we want to be respected. We know when we’re not getting enough. So, what does it mean to be respectful? What experts say is that when we respect another person, we value their feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. We show our respect by how we treat others, what we say to them, how we say it, and by actively listening.

There are different kinds of respect, such as respecting an opponent, nature, laws, or institutions. For some of these, there may be codes of conduct that direct how to show respect. Saluting officers in the military or placing your hand over your heart during the National Anthem are two examples. Behaviors to communicate respectfully between individuals are less clear. In this article, we provide useful guidance to help avoid situations that might be perceived as disrespectful and offer tips to improve communication with those touched by a cancer journey.

How Do You Define Respect?

First, what does respect mean to you? Consider the following groups of words. Which better describes how you give respect? Which better describes how you prefer to be shown respect? …

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Building Blocks of Communication

Building Blocks of Communication

Often, satisfying interpersonal communication is thought to be second nature, something that comes naturally to all people. After all, everyone is human and humans know how to speak to each other, right?

It would be convenient to think in this way and approach sensitive topics with such a simple outlook. It is not the human condition to instantly understand how to breach sensitive topics like a cancer diagnosis.

Cancer communication is not a straightforward subject to address and the skills that follow are meant to provoke thought and self-reflection. Before jumping into cancer-specific areas of communication, there are a few basic communication components that are foundational to the success of these enhancement materials.

Verbal Messages

Verbal messages are the words chosen or spoken. Another way to think of verbal messages is that they are communicated through language. The purpose of improving verbal messages is to tell and communicate better exactly what is thought or felt. Benefits include ensuring that there is no confusion or misunderstanding between two people. Without confusion or misunderstanding in a stressful situation, like a cancer diagnosis, conflict and distrust may be minimized. …

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Learning to Communicate about Cancer

Learning to Communicate about Cancer

“Communication” is an all-too-common term in society. We talk about needing better communication at work or about how easy talking with a certain friend is, but what does it really mean to communicate? And is it possible to become a better communicator? The short answer is “yes.” We can always become better communicators. We can start by learning more about communication and by practicing some essential skills.

Communication is a process. It is composed of different aspects working together. Each aspect plays a vital role in the communication process and can alter the overall message that we are trying to impart. Keep these aspects in mind to better understand the basics of communication and your role in the process.

  • Verbal messages are the words chosen or spoken. Another way to think of verbal messages is that they are communication through language.
  • Nonverbal messages include posture, facial expression, eye contact, tone, and gestures. Though nonverbal messages do not include words, they can be very descriptive by themselves or can augment verbal messages.
  • Active listening involves not only hearing but being all-present during the conversation. Many times we can be distracted by noise or even by daydreaming.
  • Communication also involves feedback. Feedback and be verbal or nonverbal messages that tell the speaker that his or her message has been received.

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